How to Say "No" After You've Said "Yes"

Donna is just getting back into the dating game and is confused on what to do.

While Donna was volunteering for a special event, she met a man named Ray.

Ray was interested in Donna and kept asking her questions. Then Ray asked Donna if she were free for a date.

“Yes,” Donna decided. That’s what she told Ray.

Then later that day:

“No,” Donna decided. I don’t want to date Ray.

Sure enough, Ray calls, asking Donna to call him back.

What should Donna do?

Should she call Ray back or just let it pass?

Should she be blunt and tell Ray she’s not interested?

Should she tell a little lie like, “I just started seeing someone and I want to see where it goes before I date anyone else.”

What would you do?

How would you say “No” after you’ve already said, “Yes?”

As the New Mexico Dating Director, I’d be remiss if I gave you excuses to blow a man off without first encouraging you to take a risk, call him back and “practice date” him (aka “duty date.”)

If you’re dating, it’s a good idea to receive what’s coming to you and rehearse on men you’re not interested in. (I know … NOT what you want to hear.)

However, there are times when you might say “yes” to a man, then regret it.

Instead of punishing him by accepting a date (knowing in advance you’ll have a bad time …)

Instead of calling him back and saying you’re not interested (no need to go there …)

Instead of ignoring his call (then risk running into him again …)

It’s important you acknowledge his invitation and act with respect when you decline.

1. Honor Your Feelings

If you’ve said “yes” and really don’t want to go out, then don’t. You don’t have to. You may be missing an opportunity, but if you’re not in the place to enjoy it, save yourself (and him) the aggravation.

2. Respect His Invitation

Call him back. Tell him how much you enjoyed meeting him and appreciate his invitation to go out.

3. Lie for Love

When a man invites you out, it’s flattering. He’s expressing his interest.

There’s no need to clobber him with the truth that you’ve changed your mind and are no longer interested.

Instead, lie for love. Tell him as much as you would enjoy going out, there is another man you’ve been seeing and out of respect to your relationship with him, you’re not free to date.

Should the situation change, you’ll let him know. Thank him again and wish him well.

This way, if you ever see each other again, you have both “saved face.”

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